I’ve come across a sort of phenomenon or trend lately that requires discussion. Many people, especially women, who are going through the divorce process remain in denial that they will actually be divorced. Then, when the divorce is finalized, their world comes crashing down and they do not know what to do or where to turn although they have been represented by attorneys and been apprised of all matters associated with the divorce.

Divorce is very difficult for all parties. Many spouses in a divorce want their “pound of flesh” and cannot understand why the other spouse is not held accountable for his or her actions. The no fault divorce process has taken away the ability of one spouse to try to hold another spouse accountable and that is very frustrating while dealing with divorce. However, almost all states have no fault divorce. Almost all states make determinations of equitable distribution based on need and availability of assets and not the fault or behavior of any spouse. Courts do not punish for bad behavior.

Although it is very difficult, individuals going through a divorce must try to focus on what they need in order to start their “new normal life” and not deny what is happening to them or wanting to punish the other spouse. As hard as it may be, the best approach when going through a divorce is to try to look at your financial position and needs for the “new normal life” and focus on what is best for you. Being in denial prevents you from making wise financial decisions and from listening to your attorney to help you make the best decisions possible and to accept those decisions.

Being in denial will not stop the divorce, but it will stop you from understanding what is happening during the divorce and more importantly, stopping you from creating a much better life that you deserve.

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